The recent article on why friends and family sabotage others growth got a lot of feedback. Several wrote commenting on how this has happened to them This is one of those things that truly are counter intuitive UNTIL you drop the conscious aspect and look at subconscious attitudes.
I became aware of this “process” when i got into recovery from alcohol. All the counselors at the VA(Veterans Administration) and the people in AA warned about this phenomenon, that your friends, especially your long time drinking buddies would sabotage you.
“Not my friends, they are different, hell I went to high school with them, played ball, Yada yada” Well they did
“AA is for quitters” “you weren’t that bad” “Your no fun since you quit drinking”.
I really did not have to leave them, they left me. Thank God .
When I became a NLPer and Hypnotist I was warning my clients, “Those that you hope to support you may be the ones to pull you down
Crab In The Bucket
I would use the metaphor of the Crabs in the bucket, when crabs are placed in the bucket, if the crab is alone it will crawl out, put in a couple more and they will pull each other down as they attempted to get out.
“Well Your at the edge and almost out, if you allow your old friends to pull you back, shame on you, sometimes you have to find new playgrounds and playmates” It is why I insisted my weight loss clients join a gym/health club, to modle exercise, but to associate with people who do exercise, not those who talk about it eating a doughnut, watching reality TV complaining
“ITS SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT”
When i got into Hypnosis and NLP as a profession I realized I had to break from the “EVERYONE KNOWS IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE A LIVING DOING HYPNOSIS” crowd and hang with those who earn a living doing this.
In fact i warn those I mentor and coach, well are you ready to leave behind 90% of all the other hypnotists, to be one of the ones they say “Its so easy for him/her (insert excuse here)” It is why I stopped coaching and mentoring for a while, to many really were not ready to become one of the elite.
You see it at conferences those that achieve hang with achievers, and I love it when people want to break into this group.
It is said that if you take your five people you associate with the most, average their income, yours will be close. I also say you average their fitness, their attitude and quest for growth and you will be in that group.
We subconsciously judge our self’s by these standards so it is necessary to have some high achievers in your group. Even if that come in the form of a coach and mentor. Since I started mentoring again one person got his hypnosis practice to equal his other career, another wanted to become a stage hypnotist and 45 days later was doing a paid gig, another got his first 5 figure gig, and another decided they really only wanted a part time practice, but one that show a nice profit (so they can donate some free sessions) .
When you change and get out of the bucket, you throw the challenge of their limited beliefs. So this can be weight loss, your fat friends hate you, smokers will offer you a smoke, drinkers :Come on have ONE’ or when you become spiritually enlightened and open the haters will hate and finally..
When you become a successful hypnotist/NLPer those that do not have to courage to change will drop you like a hot rock.
The good news is as you grow along the path their are many who truly will support and nurture you, they are your partners in this path..As we say in martial arts. don’t fight the power use it.
Lately I have been training with some pro fighters and serious martial artists who are half my age, so I upped my game. I don’t want to be in shape “for my age” i want to be in shape, so when I got a comment “your surprisingly strong and quick” I asked “for my age?”
“No your pretty damn fast and strong for your size” but in my mind I still think of my self as out of shape which drives me. When i was at the beach for fireworks and noticed (opened my senses) I saw guys half my age and thought :”I am in Shape” but I am going to train with serious types as that is MY SET POINT.
So reset you five and move up I welcome you.
Its why i am coaching again! Call for details.