Last week we talked about intention and the Neuro Feedback loop and how it could be holding you back. Today we will go over the next Secret Key:
How Comfortable with change are you? This also sets up a neuro feedback loop that will also sabotage your success with clients. So what do I mean by this? How does ones own comfort level with change affect working with others.
If you understand that our energy field creates a feedback loop, (quantum level) and our clients want to maintain rapport, so they will model your comfort level and model that unconsciously, so the change they are attempting will model how well you adapt to change.
Have you ever noticed when someone first gets into NLP and Hypnosis the sky is the limit? They experience great change in them selves and also with their clients. Is this not the case? So what happens? Why does that “Breakthrough Mindset” seem to fade. How does life get in the way of magic.
Society places belief and expectations that we unconsciously take in (unless we are diligent at all times). If we buy into change is hard, that it is challenging to X or Y, and we take it in, we attract this and make it real for us and our clients.
I started thinking about this years ago as I mentioned last week about the idea of why a lot of hypnotists gain weight and find it difficult to lose. It was recently brought to my attention again.
Reinventing yourself and why friend and family will sabotage you the most. When you change and reinvent yourself it challenges their self image at an unconscious level.
In addictions treatment most of the leading experts agree on the need for an person with an addiction to reinvent who they are, which they can do through therapy, the 12step program, religion, or some other way to replace the addiction self image. We have sadly seen many times people trying to recover go back to old friends (and sometimes family) who reject this new sober and clean you. “Who do you think you are, you know you will use again” is often heard and the person trying to connect. or stay connected follows the command.
This could be why we see better efficacy for success with those who create a whole new support network. Is it also possible that the support network, that helps at first can become constricting and hold you back later on?
How many of us in NLP and Hypnosis were so excited at our first conference, and wanted to share the unending possibilities of what we could do? Then some “Old Timer” kicked in with “The Truth” and your light started to die at that moment. I actually heard an old timer tell a new hypnotist “well you really can’t make money at this it is a calling”.
I thought “How dare you place YOUR limits, on this person?” What this really is how comfortably with change and growth reflects not only in your life, but those around you.
Change is the only constant in the universe, but how comfortable are you with any change?
Have you ever said:
“I hate this new music, in MY day we had real Music?”
“These new shows are all crap, I remember back when….”
“These new cars are nothing back in the muscle car days….”
“That’s not dancing,…”
“I refuse to go to movies, they don’t act anymore….”
“What is this new stuff, I learned the real, x, y or z…..”
That lets you know how reluctant you are to accept change, which will happen, with you or without you. It is a generalization, but it does seem to be an overall idea of change: CAN YOU EMBRACE IT? or DO YOU FIGHT IT?
This subconscious map goes out to the universe and come back to you, many times in how clients respond to change.
What happens when someone you know changes who they are, how they act, what they do. Do you go “Great for you” How can I help?” or just “Kewl”. If you resist or find a “Who they think they are?” it lets you know your internal change comfort level.
A story (yes a story) I recently had a change, one where I went back to the future. I grew up very country, my family was originally from Mississippi where they farmed, and I would visit my grandmothers farm twice a year. So the true country/cowboy mindset was what I grew up with, but got away from it for a variety of reasons. Then after my father passed I got one of his western belt buckles (with our initial on it).
I don’t know what happened, but in the twinkling of an eye something shifted. I have really worn jeans in 30 years (except on a motorcycle) then I dug out my jeans and cowboy boots and hat. I started listening to country music again, for a part of me it was like going home.
What was interesting was a few things: People who knew asked me why or made comments. Which is interesting I don’t ask their permission or advice but they think they have the right to say something.
Those that do not know me just assume that is who I am. Then when they see me in one of my suits and dress shoes, they are surprised.
I recently was at a conference and one day wore a suit and the next had my jeans, boots, western jacket and hat, and people who knew me were taken back.
A few commented that this new me fit me better as I act like a cowboy anyway. George Bien, who I have known for over 30 years and is a dear friend and a person I respect, was the most insightful, “Will we should reinvent who we are every few years and not get stuck” (plus he loved the boots and hat).
So how comfortable are you with change, do you embrace it, or look for ways to enjoy it? As this is a key to that true change in others, accepting it in ourselves.
Next week the final key.